Stop Calling Yourself Lazy. Your Brain Might Just Be in a Loop.
Disclaimer: Although I hold a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology (Psy.D.), I am not yet a licensed psychologist. The content shared here is only for educational and reflective purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health care.
Motivation may not be the issue. You might just be neurologically overwhelmed…
Have you ever found yourself sinking into the couch, fully aware of what you “should” be doing but just…couldn’t? Keep reading.
Chances are that laziness isn’t the issue.
Your brain just might be stuck in a survival loop. It’s doing its best to protect you, but it’s leaving you feeling shut down, ashamed, and overwhelmed.
So, let’s unpack what’s really happening.
The Myth of Laziness: What Most People Get Wrong
Usually, the term “lazy” is used to label people experiencing at least one of the following:
· Executive dysfunction
· Burnout
· Depression
· Trauma responses
· Chronic nervous system dysregulation
In fact, research shows that individuals with trauma histories frequently struggle with executive functioning. What is that? Executive functioning involves high-level thinking abilities, including planning, organizing, and follow-through (Philip et al., 2013). That’s not laziness; rather, your brain’s frontal lobe is under siege.
The Loop: What Is Happening Neuropsychologically
When faced with a threat (whether it’s a looming deadline, potential failure, or interpersonal conflict), your brain may enter a freeze response. Like fight or flight, the freeze response is a key survival state during which the logical, planning part of your brain (i.e., the prefrontal cortex, located in the frontal lobe) gets sidelined by the limbic system, the brain region wired to help you survive. Although useful in times of anger, the limbic system is much, much more concerned with your survival than with your productivity (Arnsten, 2009).
People with long to-do lists but who are also struggling with activated limbic systems may find themselves saying some of the following phrases:
· “I know what to do…I just can’t get started.”
· “I stare at the task, but I’m frozen, and I can’t bring myself to do it.”
· “I procrastinate…A LOT…and then get down on myself.”
This kind of “looping” paralysis is common in people with PTSD or complex trauma, where emotional strain disrupts their executive functioning. In other words, their anxiety, shame, and/or guilt are distracting from the brain’s ability to plan, initiate, and follow through on tasks (Vasterling et al., 1998). But here’s the thing…
You’re Not Avoiding Tasks! You’re Managing Pain…
Sometimes, the pain from unresolved trauma is future-focused, and it comes out in the forms of anxiety, overwhelm, and dread.
Other times, it’s past-focused, showing up as trauma hijacking your system…meaning you get stuck in guilt, flashbacks, or painful memories.
Either way, your pain is internalized and manifests as shame. This shame is often chronic, ever so slightly draining your energy and confidence.
And your brain (doing its absolute best to protect you!) burns incredible amounts of energy avoiding ALL of this discomfort: the anxiety, the dread, the painful memories, the guilt, the shame. This all-encompassing avoidance leaves very little energy left for tasks. But, guess what? When those things don’t get done, when the tasks remain unfinished, your shame increases, and the loop continues as such:
Stress/Anxiety → Shutdown/Avoidance → Shame → Stress/Anxiety…
How to Break the Loop (Without Shaming Yourself)
Saying to yourself, “C’mon! Just push through!” Yeah…that rarely works. That’s like throwing a shot glass of gasoline on a dumpster fire.
You get the same result when you tell yourself to “just try harder.” Doing that only deepens your shame spiral.
Instead, research and clinical practice both point to a different approach. Here it is in 5 easy steps:
1. Name the Loop
Naming it reduces the threat. You’re not lazy; you’re dysregulated. Naming helps calm the limbic system.
If you want, try giving the loop a silly image. I imagine mine as a dysregulated corgi. Ever try to get one of those to listen to you? Thinking about that makes me laugh a little whenever I’m stuck, and that’s the first step. Whatever you can do to remind your limbic system that you are not in danger is essential.
2. Lower the Load
Break tasks into smaller, less intimidating pieces.
My fifth-grade teacher once told me that defeating Godzilla requires an entire army: firing one shot at a time, making one maneuver at a time, executing one plan at a time. It is the same with big (and even small) projects: one tiny task at a time. When the loop gets really bad, you can even go super small with the steps (e.g., “Look at the pencil.” “Raise your hand to pick up the pencil.” “Touch the pencil.” “Pick up the pencil.” “Put the pencil to the paper.”)
Eventually, Godzilla WILL fall. The project WILL get done because a tiny step is still a step closer to your goal.
Thank you, Mr. Hawthorne.
3. Co-Regulate
Work alongside someone safe.
Seriously! Try “GSD Sessions” (Get Stuff Done Sessions) with your friends, family, or partner. During these, you and a trusted person work on your own tasks together, either in person or virtually. No one has to be alone in the hard stuff.
*Note: See Jamie’s blog about Scheduled, Therapeutic GSD Sessions.
4. Use Safety Cues
Calm your nervous system.
Breathe deeply. Eat brain-supportive foods (e.g., fruits, nuts). Sip water. Softly say, “I’m okay. I’m safe.” Use the restroom (yes, seriously). Each of these strategies activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is your body’s natural calming system.
Think about it. Our ancestors never quite figured out how to run from saber-tooth tigers while also eating dinner. Our bodies still work the same way: eating, drinking water, deep breathing, and even going to the bathroom are each activities the body cannot do well when faced with danger; so, if we do these things, oftentimes our brain thinks, “Oh, pizza? I must be safe. Return to DEFCON 5.”
5. Start Small, Let It Snowball
Do an easy task first. Then another. Motivation often follows movement. Let the momentum build, but be sure to rest when it pauses. Rest assured, the snowball will roll again.
According to rehabilitation neuropsychologists (these people help stroke survivors and others reintegrate into daily life), breaking these “loops” isn’t about willpower. It’s about strategy, retraining your brain through repetition and support (Whyte & Hart, 2003).
You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Adapted.
Your brain isn’t the enemy; rather, it’s been protecting you the best way it knows how to! Now, it’s time to teach it new ways to respond.
Remember, you’re not lazy. You’re likely just overwhelmed, burnt out, or stuck in a neurological loop.
Therapy, especially trauma-informed therapy, can help you get out.
Feeling Stuck? It Doesn’t Have to Stay That Way.
At The Amitrano Center for Relational Healing, we combine science-backed tools with deep compassion and a brain-based understanding. Let’s work with your brain, not against it.
We’ll help you get out of the loop and back to yourself.
References
Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signaling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10, 410–422.
Philip, N. S., Sweet, L. H., Tyrka, A. R., Price, L. H., Bloom, R. F., Carpenter, S. L., & Carpenter, L. L. (2013). Decreased default network connectivity is associated with early life stress in medication-free healthy adults. European Neuropsychopharmacology, 23(1), 24-32. PMID: 22963826
Vasterling, J. J., Brailey, K., Constans, J. I., & Sutker, P. B. (1998). Attention and memory dysfunction in posttraumatic stress disorder. Neuropsychology, 12(1), 125–133.
Whyte, J., & Hart, T. (2003). It’s more than “laziness”: Motivation deficits after brain injury. Neurorehabilitation and Neural Repair, 17(2), 115–126.
